Breakfast at Girbeau’s: Interview with Michael Colyar

Transcript

Urban Urban City City Podcast Breakfast with Girbeau’s Urban Urban City City Podcast Podcasting Network today in the studios One of my dear friends Breakfast with Girbeau’s You heard it, you heard it right here, yeah And if you don’t know who he is because you’re blind Because we don’t have our cameras today No cameras Yeah the man said he ain’t wanting no cameras in So we’re not going to do the cameras He ain’t told me nothing about no cameras Until he walked up in my house 10 minutes ago Anybody told me they’re going to be using cameras He said interview, he brought in radio and stuff We in Hollywood baby, we in Hollywood I can’t do this butt naked Now you know, you’re the one that told me It’s the first time you’re ever doing a butt naked interview And you said, well you said no diddy No diddy, I did say no diddy So as long as I stay on this couch and you stay over there We’re going to be alright But we’re not putting these things on camera Where the girls is at though Yeah, they coming, they on they way They on they way Yeah man, it’s breakfast at Girbeau’s We got special guests in the building If you don’t know who that voice is Then I’m going to tell you who it is It’s Michael Colyar, y’all make some noise for him Woo woo, I make some for myself For your damn self, yeah Now, now that we finally got you We officially hung out And I’m going to say this I had to babysit him Because his ride didn’t bring him where they needed to bring him We ended up, we bonded We did this show in Jackson, Mississippi And you know from there We just kept in contact And you got married Now we’re here I’s married now y’all You off the market Been married 335 days To the most incredible human being God ever created next to my mama I love you Sonia Yeah, bless her, bless you man Congratulations on that too by the way Oh man, thank you brother I saw your pictures this morning I show him the pictures of my wife every day I talk about it every day I think about it every day, every moment That’s real love right there Hey man, either that or I’m whipped Okay, now let’s get right into it man Now, you know Before I personally knew you I knew who you were And we’ll start from the beginning You got started in comedy And helped me out You won $100,000 on Star Search Mmhmm Yes And you catapulted it I haven’t catapulted yet brother Well it seems that way to us though But not to me To me, no brother I haven’t catapulted I’ve accomplished some things But the catapultion is about to happen We have been propped and primed For the catapultion We pulled the catapult all the way down And latched a big rubber band on it We about to let it go But that hasn’t happened yet But I’ve had a lot of beautiful blessings From people today When they finally said that The actions of Donald Trump Was criminal When he was trying to turn around The results of the election It became official today They just opened up the documents Yeah, because we’re looking at it on the TV As we speak right now And we ain’t paying no attention to y’all We watching TV He said, man, look, I gotta do this thing Let’s just go on and talk through it But keep the TV on I feel like in the celebrity world You’re voting for Kamala? I don’t know That’s an acceptable answer I don’t know So here’s the thing In politics, I got a political science degree Oh, then you’re definitely voting for Kamala I ain’t worried now Go ahead Well, they always told us If you stand behind somebody, you support them And if you start talking about politics specifically And the way you angle your conversations Then you support that person And all these people who support Trump Support the stuff he stands for So if you support Trump, you stand for misogyny You stand for racism You stand for white supremacy You stand for those fools who call themselves Christian They’re not Christian, the people he’s working with What they call themselves Christian nationalists They’re not Christian And y’all can do all the stuff you want You can grab coochies and lie And make up stories about eating dogs And do whatever you want But please do not frame it as patriotism It is not patriotism And it was so on the money They had to stand up and salute It ain’t patriotism, it’s occultism Great White Hope just showed up That’s what it is, Great White Hope These folks who feel scared This population of white men Who terrified Now the minorities are now the majorities And the blacks are coming And the Hispanics And women have backbones now They stand up straight And look you in the eye and speak So these guys are panicked And they scream out their anxieties And their aspirations And they got the perfect one What about black people who follow Trump Or who are those people That’s what I think about when you said You haven’t made up your mind yet But listen, black people who don’t vote for Trump Something’s very wrong with you I have a morning show Who don’t vote for Trump or for Kamala Oh you know I’d say crazy if I said Trump I said if you vote for Trump You have an issue, you have a problem If you do that and you’re black I mean you know that You know if you see him with his arms Around a black woman He holding up for the police And then I had a brother Asked me, he said man He asked me, he told me He said brother you just voting for her Because she black You got the right to do that Not just the right It’s your responsibility It’s your responsibility to love yourself first So we’re out here in California Hanging out right We could be We could be Yeah we could be What do you think about the black men Who despise Kamala Harris From the state of California The ones that have been convicted I don’t care what state you’re from If you despise Kamala Harris You’re an asshole And I will tell you to your face And I know how to box So yeah if you’re black and you despise her You’re really despising yourself Because look at this There’s two options It’s Kamala Harris Or it’s this pussy grabbing Backstabbing, lying, double talking Racist, hateful, son of a bitch Or the black woman who’s intelligent Who’s cordial Who cares about people Who’s trying to bring people together Instead of divide them Who look like your mama And you got them two choices And you gotta go uh I don’t know which one, kiss my ass You ain’t shit You can’t come on my show with that And we on five days a week On YouTube, Mike Cotter’s Morning Show Come on my show with that anti-Kamala stuff I’ll cut your ass out And throw you off the show Just like that Don’t come on my show telling people not to vote Now I’m not telling you who to vote for Kamala Harris That’s up to you Everybody has a right to vote for who they want to vote for Kamala Harris But don’t come on my show saying anti-Kamala stuff Be graceful with how you say it Even with grace I mean I get friends that they mad at me Well Jaguar’s not But I told Jaguar Wright Because Jaguar Wright came out and said She’s Donald Trump And they said really And they said yeah well if you had right now to vote for her Who you gonna vote for She said Jaguar She said I’m gonna vote for Donald Trump And so I said I love Jaguar Wright She’s been on my show twice But she can’t come on my show no more Because that’s off the table And once I said it I called her And told her I said it Because you know how people do They listen to you say something And they twist it and send it over By the time you get to her And said something bad about her mama I ain’t did that Matter of fact we just spent this weekend Hanging out together Jaguar But I just tried to ignore the fact That she’s a Trumpite Okay I like it Well at least you told her Of where people love to beef In this climate If you said something And you want to make sure you get it to the people right Well you better get this yourself To call and say hey look this is what went down So when they called and said I said this is some bullshit I’m telling you now this is what happened I’m telling you she was my first call When I got off the air You know as a result of that She drove up to meet me Her and her man Odell Came and hung out with me and my wife Her name is Sonia y’all Sonia Collier She has the number one soul food restaurant In Winston-Salem called Simply Sonia’s And I apologize to my mama when I say this But this woman makes a better salmon croquette Than my mama And my mama held that title For 34 years man Oh she ice cold man She makes a soul roll That’s an egg roll with collard greens Candied yams And what’s the third thing I think it’s either corn bread She cooks very carefully And with great desire And the day is off the chain She can cook the place is wonderful She’s got a brand new spot too And so when I called Jaguar to tell her That I said some stuff about her And I told her what I really said She said well I’m in Atlanta I’m going to swing through So she came back and we fed her And we talked and we laughed And she filmed us to do some stuff She has something she does called My Point of Views about stuff It was pretty cool Now let’s go back to the story man Yours I want to hear it I think the world wants to hear it So what way would you like me to start Let’s start with the $100,000 win At Star Search That’s very interesting in fact I did win Star Search And it’s funny because When I first saw Star Search I remember sitting on the kitchen floor Of Aunt Vera’s house And it was my wife’s mama What was her name? Hattie Hattie Mae Kelly I’m talking about a real southerner This is the one who cooked everything From scratch Down in Mississippi They had to pump sunlight down there And she was a great mother-in-law But I remember sitting on the floor In her kitchen Watching this little TV And watching Star Search I remember Sam Harris was singing And I was like I could beat any of them That’s all you got to do To be funny two and a half minutes One day I’m going to win it Now I’ll show you how things work Your word is your wand So whatever you say is going to happen eventually So be careful So I said one day I’m going to win Star Search But I never really took it serious myself I never said thought really Because if I had thought about it I would have won it 10 years earlier But I didn’t drive and think about it When I saw it I thought the idea Of what I was doing And I wanted to do Venice Beach, California So I started by doing comedy in Chicago I was an actor I went to Morgan Park High School But I grew up on the south side of Chicago South side? Projects, Robert Taylor Home 4352 You still know the address And the apartment brother I will always be from there Because that was one of the two places That defined my life I was defined originally by what happened When I grew up in Projects And when I got out of high school I started doing comedy Well I was acting I was in all the plays in the high school And I wanted to be an actor But really I was working hard But you came out of Chicago In a house of seven people Am I right? Well back then we’d all grown But we grew up, I had four big brothers And mom and dad In a one bedroom It was like rooming with a roomer Oh you must know the story She was not going to let us Spend our lives in Projects And she went and got her first job From Spiegel’s I remember Spiegel’s The magazine They had all the puppies And the toys I’m telling my age That’s my momma’s first job She took that job And she bought our first car She went to Sears Driving School Learned how to drive And she got what they called a Woody It was like a station wagon Yeah it had the wood paneling All over it And she bought that car And she was determined to move us And she got us out to Morgan Park It was a very nice neighborhood And we ended up going to great schools When I got out of school I’d already been an actor I was trying to be an actor But I was starving So I just went to school Chicago State University I was raising my son In a really excellent restaurant And I was a member of a theater company Called Free Street Theater And they called it Free Street Theater Because people could walk up And watch it for free In different cities around the country But that city would pay us to do it So we’d rehearse all week And then we’d fly to a city And we’d do a full-fledged show Right out of the city center Or civic center or something And people would walk up for free And they’d break us off a check So I’m acting, I’m doing pretty good And then my friends Talked me into trying comedy And I tried it And it was easier than I thought So I started doing comedy As a street performer in Chicago And I was the best on the street So you never were the class clown Or anything like that No, we were always funny in school Me and my partners pulled the pranks And did the jokes That I was the lead in every play In my school So I was doing what I really wanted to do Which was to be an actor But then the comedy came along When I didn’t realize I could do comedy Because I’ll tell you what happened It was 1984 And this little black kid Had done already three movies Beverly Hills Cops 48 Hours Trading Places He was 23 years old He had the number one comedy album Called Raw Number one comedy concert Nationally called Raw And he had single handedly Saved Saturday Night Live Saturday Night Live was about to close their doors They got him as the star They haven’t closed their doors since And he could wear the fuck Out of a red leather suit I’m talking about Mr. Eddie Murphy 23, 24 years old And he did all that And got all that money telling jokes And I was like shit I’ve been funny my whole life I better get out the mustard And catch up So I went and got some comedy albums By Red Fox And I went down to my mama’s basement Where I was living anyway And I was standing in that mirror And I tell these jokes over and over I played the album telling jokes Until I could tell them like they was mad To this day I’m still telling Red Fox jokes Because I don’t think An old joke should die Just because the motherfucker That wrote it did That’s a Red Fox photo And I asked you did you know him I didn’t know him but behind me Is a cold photo of Red Fox It’s on my wall It’s a huge photo He got on a three piece suit With an overcoat He got a smoking cigar He rolling It’s flat but what was important to me Is I got that from Tasha Smith Y’all been seeing her in a lot of Tyler Perry films She’s in all kinds of films And what they call Is a big old show And they like these gangsters in Detroit It was father and son And actually the son is one of the actors in it I’m drawing a blank right now But Tasha Smith directs that She directs all types of major shows And acts and she’s one of the greatest Acting teachers So whenever I would have a real important part An audition for a big part I would call Tasha Smith And pay her to give me an hour of her time And walk me through it So I went to the audition And I went to her gate To get an hour session And she pulled that picture Of Red Fox out of her closet It was rolled up And she unrolled it and said I was looking for somebody to give this to And you see I took that sucker And put it in a frame with glass It’s one of the biggest pictures in my house Because it’s amazing Because I was influenced by four people It was Red Fox, Richard Pryor, Lenny Bruce And Eddie Murphy And Eddie, have you ever worked with any of them? Well you know I worked with Eddie Because I did Norbit I’ve known Eddie, I’ve seen Eddie places But I’ve never been anywhere with him I never sat down and had tea and crumpets I did the movie with him And he was just the coolest One of the coolest people I ever worked with On a film was him and Martin Lawrence When I did Martin’s show Martin Lawrence was like the coolest cat I ever met before Snoop I’m sorry everybody But I haven’t met a human cooler than Snoop Dogg And I done met some cool ass people I’m talking about the actor Leon I’m talking about Denzel as my friend I ain’t never seen nothing like this though Snoop is the coolest human I’ve ever seen And Snoop don’t care who you are He talks to you with respect and dignity You could be homeless and junky and trashy He looks in your eyes And he talks to you like you’re a human being I remember I had an episode with Snoop This was long ago This was like early 2000’s He came to Jackson And one of my homeboys was trying to take a picture But he was so excited And he was shaking Because he was right as close as I am to you As he was to Snoop And we were all standing there And Snoop said He looked him up and down and said Take the motherfucking picture nigga And we laughed our asses off at him He was mad about it He wanted to fight Snoop He was like dude you weren’t ready That’s the whole point of it all Snoop was playing with him anyway I bet everybody bust up laughing Yeah we did, we laughed He was mad at us and he was mad at Snoop That nigga should have been mad He got that photo He should have been happy as fuck Snoop is just cool It’s good to work with anybody under any circumstances And that was just some fly shit So I went to Venice So I did State Street Doing comedy in Chicago And then winter came And wasn’t nobody trying to hit no jokes On State Street But I made so much money On the street I quit doing everything else I quit the college, the acting class The waiting tables All I did was raise my son And work four days a week Telling jokes on State Street And making money on Rush Street I mean Oprah Winfrey used to come to my show On Rush Street I’d be doing my stuff past And making my money Then winter came And I did a 1967 Everything else I sold And I took that money And I drove to California Where it’s supposed to be warm All year round, every day Cause it’s hot as hell right now We in Palmdale, California right now It’s probably like 102 or some shit Man it’s so hot I saw a dog chasing a cat They were both walking One day we was out here And we saw a cat walking It was like 116 So it’s hot It is hot I remember being a younger guy And seeing you at a house party I do believe Was that a house party I think we did that about 114 years ago 114 years ago What was that experience like for you? It was a magnificent experience I was not then And still am not in anybody’s cliques or clans So I wasn’t with a bunch of folks Who would help me do better I was pretty much a loner But that part was so excellent And with them allowing me To just be me in it and do me It shines to this day People come to me with stuff about Hey man you got two Jim Crackers Every single day in every city I go to And that film was like 25 years ago And I didn’t have that big of a part So I will forever be grateful I remember you from that And then after that I started seeing you on BET You were hosting something on BET What was that? You didn’t have no beard then But I would never do Coming For You I would only do specials of Coming For You I had to host and stuff Because I don’t want to do a set On the show I created It’s like a demotion or some shit But I loved the show I remember once I was hosting a show And Lil’ Richard was on there And he said some wise, smart Alex shit to me And then he went You know that thing you do And I said calm down Because you know we go way back And he fell out But it was such a fun time On BET And then they let me have my own show On that BET Live from LA And it’s funny because I ran a piece of tape from my show On my morning show This Wednesday show And folks My Michael Colyar morning show Which is on YouTube I’ve already done 957 shows So I do it Monday through Friday If you go back three days You’ll see Michael Johnson was on there And he did good for a while But then when he started shouting and stuff And talking over people I had to hit that button man You know I’ve had a couple of interviews With Umar And he will try to over talk you We don’t want to do that on our show But he’s our guy He’s a great guy It takes nothing from him But on my show I want to have spirited conversations But respectful You can’t know stuff By just shouting at all your stuff And when other people try to give their part You shout over them So you can’t even hear what they’re saying And I even in my show Stop to point out Argument is not the same as a fight A lot of people think argument Is when people fussing with each other That’s not argument Argument is when the conversations Are back and forth Until you keep lifting what the ideal is Until you come to an agreement Yes I did, no you didn’t Yes I did, no I didn’t Yes I did But that’s not what an argument is Yes it is, no it’s not Yes it is, no it’s not That’s not an argument In fact there’s a great comedy troupe Out there called Monty Python Yeah I know the Monty Python Go and look at Monty Python’s thing Called Argument Clinic And this guy goes for an argument You know And they sell this down in the room B-A-A-18 He goes to the B-18 And the guy says You ugly piss string fart face The guy said wait a minute I didn’t come in here To be talked like that I came in here for an argument He said oh, oh argument I thought you wanted to abuse No argument is down in B-6 B-6 It’s a brilliant, brilliant piece But no, I want the arguments I had a guy on my show Named Charlie I keep calling him Charlie Charleston White Yeah I’ve been with Charleston White too Same thing Come on my show Want to scream, want to holler Want to cuss people out Want to say bad shit about black women I don’t have that on my show I’m just saying You can do that at other places But with a Charleston White Do you think he’s wrong In some of the things that he says You know I don’t know if judgment is mine I think that he teaches some lessons That are really good for our community But he teaches them in a way Where they can’t be heard You know I mean if you cussing me out Calling me MFs And screaming at the top of your lungs I can’t hear the message of kindness I can’t hear the message Of we brothers and we should get along I can’t hear the message About raising your community right While I’m calling black women bitches And telling them they can suck my dick That is not the same thing for me So I’m not going to judge him I don’t know that dude Well enough to judge him So I’m not going to say Whether he’s wrong or right You ain’t never going to have me In that crossfire He can be mad at me Because I mentioned What he did on my show But that’s just the truth I’ll tell you what you do on my show But I’m not out here I don’t do what’s names I don’t do beefs People say bad shit about me too But I don’t do that Because I’m not going to give you that I’m not going to stoop to that level I’m a black man I’m a fucking king Exactly You talk to me You talk to me with that Dignity and that respect And if you can’t Then you forfeit Your ability to speak with me And go on about your business I’m going to go on about mine And the good thing is It’s 7 billion motherfuckers On the planet So if I lose a friend I’m alright I got plenty of friends Them motherfuckers Everywhere Everywhere Yeah, yeah, yeah I ain’t worried about that I think I’m going to be alright Plus I’m in love With a goddess and a queen I love it And if she’s the only friend I ever have for the rest of my life I’m still going to be fine and dandy Yeah Yeah Yeah That’s it I love it So man With your stint in comedy And in Hollywood You said You said you felt like That you haven’t catapulted yet Oh no Have you ever seen me I don’t know You know I mean because Because like me talking to you I’m looking at you right now And I’m like I can call Michael Call you And just have a conversation Well I’m the majority Of the fault Okay You know Here’s the thing A lot of people Don’t want to face Everything that’s ever Happened to you It was because of you And people can’t Face that reality Once you accept That terror Then your life can get Back on track But it was all your fault You bring the things To you that happened Now you say Well somebody killed a child It wasn’t the child’s fault And maybe not And maybe not in this lifetime And maybe not on this Spiritual plane But all things that Happen to us We generally generate it You know And our ideals Our thoughts Where we put ourselves Like for instance We’re always talking about How people always get Mugged and stabbed But if you’re in The neighborhood that Mugging and stabbing Don’t go on Then your ass Don’t get mugged Or stabbed You know what I’m saying It makes sense I mean if you Go and rob somebody To get your crack robbed And you get killed Then that’s because You made the choice To do the wrong thing You know You made that choice If you just want to Live a life That’s correct First of all Everything is about Follow God If God is not the answer You’re not asking The right question So no matter what it is You want to do Whether you want to Build a mountain Or float a boat Whatever it is If you keep God first And then you make a plan And then you follow the plan And you keep God first And you’ll be Obedient to the Lord And God ain’t never Asked nobody to be perfect Ain’t nobody perfect If you find somebody That’s perfect Stab him in the throat With a fucking plastic fork And run as fast as you can Because that’s not Even a human being You don’t get perfect No matter what the fuck you do Practice don’t make perfect Practice makes better So the thing is If you start with God first And you have a plan And you follow the plan Your life is going to be great It’s going to be that way But if you’re one of those people Who just bounce around Or bump into walls And wait for life to happen You have to settle for Whatever the universe drops On your ass But that’s on you You know You can’t You know I have people stay at home And they sit in their basement Smoking joints Watching cartoons Eating Captain Crunch And waiting for an opportunity You’re talking about grown people To knock on the Grown ass folks But not just grown Teenagers Ain’t nothing lazier today Than teenagers Teenagers do not Young people just Don’t want to work no more I heard somebody say this And I’m repeating it I didn’t make this up But it’s funny You can give a teenager A job Sleeping And that motherfucker Will wake up and quit I’m tired of this shit I’m out of here You know It’s difficult to get people To come to work Who really want to work And then when our government Fucked up And just gave people Money like that Just gave money To try to win our favor But it hurt more people Than it helped us It really did I agree They didn’t even want People to sit and Plan that money out To work it Or whatever But now it also gave The attitude to people That we don’t have to work You know Government Some type of program Is out there That’ll pay me If I don’t work If I play sick If I do this And you create An attitude Of victimization You want to be The victim now Now you can spend Your whole life Saying woe is me Well please y’all Please do me a favor Don’t say woe Is me To me Cause I’ma say Fuck you Okay You have the ability To do anything You want to do I can change my life At any moment I choose But what moment Shall I choose You know I got people I’m training I’m trying to show them How to do the right shit They do part of it They don’t do all of it Then they don’t understand How come they’re not Getting where they want to go You tell me you want To go from A to B I give you the map And point the way But you take your time And make a left Instead of a right And then you ask me How come I’m not Getting my shit Cause you gotta do your work Everyone who’s ever Succeeded in anything Did the work A lot of basic things This is basic shit God made life so simple That people run around Thinking it’s too good To be true So life can’t be easy It’s gotta be hard But no it was designed To be easy It was designed To be easy