Major Takeaways:
Setbacks are not failures — they’re redirections leading to new opportunities and growth.
Grace in the grind is essential — you can’t pour from an empty cup, so self-care fuels resilience.
Your circle matters — surrounding yourself with uplifting, supportive people determines how you rise after challenges.
Turning Setbacks into Setups: Empowering Lessons from Dr. Brenda on Resilience, Grace, and Growth
Welcome back, Queens, to another empowering episode of Boss to Boss Female Entrepreneurs Elevation Podcast with Dr. Brenda. I am your host, Dr. Brenda, and let me tell you, today we’re diving into something real, raw, and necessary. Setbacks.
We’re going to talk about setbacks. Now, I know you’ve had them. I know you’ve been there.
You’ve put in the work, stayed up late, sacrificed sleep, money, and sometimes even your peace, and yet things didn’t go the way you planned. Maybe it was a business deal that fell through, a launch that flopped, or someone you trusted who didn’t come through. Whatever the case, I want you to know this.
Your setback is not your ending. I’ll say that again. Your setback is not your ending.
It’s a setup for your next chapter. Wow, that’s kind of hard to believe when you’re going through that something good is going to come out of that, but your setback is your setup for your next chapter, okay? So often we label things as failures when in reality, they’re just redirections. They’re just redirections.
It’s something that wasn’t meant to be. So it’s something that, you know, that wants us to go in another direction. You know, we’re supposed to go in another direction.
So instead of asking, why me? Start asking, what is this teaching me? It’s a teachable moment. It’s a teachable moment. So be open to the fact that that setback is a setup for your next next chapter, okay? When I hit roadblocks in my own journey, I began shifting my perspective.
So instead of this didn’t work, I told myself this didn’t work yet. That word is powerful. Yet.
That means something is still to come. That means there’s something to look forward to. That means that there’s still a chance, right? The word yet creates space for growth, for solutions, for possibilities, you know, for all of that.
Think of failure as feedback. It’s information, not a final judgment. And that mindset shift can change the entire game.
Our mind is a powerful thing. It’s a powerful tool. So we got to be careful what we say or how we think because it can change a lot of things, okay? Grace in the grind.
Let’s talk about that. There’s grace in the grind. Queens, let’s be real.
We carry a lot. You know, I think I touched on this in the last podcast. You know, we’re moms, we’re wives, we’re friends, we’re entrepreneurs, we’re leaders.
You know, the hats stack up. They stack up. And when setbacks happen, our first instinct is often to push harder, to grind more, or even beat ourselves up.
You know, we do that. We beat ourselves up when something don’t go right. But here’s the truth.
You cannot pour from an empty cup. That’s powerful. You cannot pour from an empty cup.
I’ll use this analogy or this example. It’s like when you’re on a plane and flight attendant is giving the instructions. And she tells you what to do when the plane is in trouble and the cups come down, you know, from the top.
You have to put the cup on yourself first before you put it on your loved ones. I know it sounds selfish because I used to think, why can’t I put it on my child first? I mean, I want to save my children. But the fact is, you have to save yourself first before you could save anybody else.
So you have to be the one that’s, you know, healthy or in a position where you can pour into someone else. So you can’t pour from an empty cup. If you don’t have the strength to give it to somebody else, if you don’t have the strength to pour into somebody else, if your cup is empty, there’s nothing to give.
So you have to make sure that your cup is full before you can pour into someone else. So if you’re out of energy, if you have nothing else to give, if you can’t grind, you know, you can’t, you can’t do anything, you can’t be anything to anybody. So you have to make sure that you have something in your cup to pour, okay? Sometimes grace looks like, you know, pressing pause.
You know, it’s okay to press pause. Take a nap, journal, you know, pray, you know, or simply say, you know, I’ll try again tomorrow. It’s okay to do that.
It’s okay to say, I’ll try again tomorrow. You know, tomorrow’s another day. You know, I know you guys remember Scarlett O’Hara, gone with the wind.
That was one of the last things she said, tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow is another day. She had a mindset of, she’s not a quitter.
She’ll do it tomorrow and it’ll be there. You have to think like that. You have to think like, whatever I didn’t get to today, I’ll tackle it tomorrow.
Giving yourself permission to rest doesn’t mean you quit. It means you’re refueling to come back. It means you’re refueling.
When the car is about to run out of gas, what do you do? You put gas in it so it can keep going. Your body is the same way. You got to refuel and how do you refuel your body? You take a nap, you slow down, you eat, you drink water, you step away from everything, you decompress so you can come back stronger, right? Now, I’m not telling you to stay in pause forever.
That’s not what I’m saying. Don’t stay in pause forever. We got stuff to do, you know, and don’t stay in pause for a long time.
Just be smart about it. The key is to take what you’ve learned and strategize your next move. Here’s a quick exercise you can do.
Write down the setback you’re facing and then underneath it, there’s three lessons that you learn from it, okay? And then write one action step you can take in the next 24 hours to move forward. So, in that setback that you had, there is a lesson in there. There’s a lesson in there.
You just got to sit down and think about it. Even when you’re on your pause, even when you’re on your pause, that’s probably when you’re going to have the most clarity. So, I suggest that while you’re sitting out, you know, if you’re on your veranda, on your porch, whatever, just take a pen and paper and then just write down, you know, what three lessons you may have learned in that setback, okay? That’s how we stop setbacks from becoming stop signs.
You know, that’s how we start. A setback can become a stop sign. We don’t want that.
A setback is temporary. It’s just a temporary thing. So, we got to make sure that it is temporary.
So, we learn a lesson from it and then we keep going. And the other thing, you know, you can do is just surround yourself with queens. Surround yourself with queens.
Let’s talk about that. Let’s talk about the power of your circle. Who’s in your circle? Who’s in your circle? Think about it.
Is your circle full of people who have negative energy or is it full of people who’s, you know, constantly talking positively, people who are doing great things, or is it full of people who are naysayers or people who, you know, just feeding off of your energy? Examine your circle and just see what kind of people are in your circle. Is it somebody that’s pushing you to go forward or is it somebody that when things are going bad or when you’re having a setback, is it somebody that’s kind of glad that you’re having a setback? You know, sometimes people are happy when you’re not doing well. You got to kind of be careful about that, you know.
And the truth is, we can’t elevate in isolation. We actually need people. Sometimes people say, I don’t need anybody.
No, that’s not true. We need people. We can’t elevate in isolation because when a setback happens, the voices around you matter.
The voices around you matter. Do you have people reminding you that you are still a queen? Do you have people telling you, you can do this, you got this, even when the crown feels heavy? You know, that’s when you need people the most. Or when the voice is telling you to give up, when those voices in your head tell you to give up, you need those queens around you to tell you, you got this.
You can do it, girl. I believe in you. You know, surround yourself with women who don’t just cheer for you, but hold you.
They hold you up in the storm. They hold you up in the storm. You got this, girl.
You’re strong. You’re strong. It’s just a setback.
Keep going. You need those people. We need those people.
Your community can either fuel your fire or feed your fear. I’ll say that again. That sounded good to me.
Your community could either fuel your fire or feed your fear. Choose wisely. I’d rather have someone to fuel my fire, to energize me, to keep me going when I’m feeling down, when I want to quit, or when something didn’t go right, or I’m in my head telling myself, what am I doing? Why am I doing this? You know, who do I think I am? Why do I think this is going to work? You know, I want somebody in my circle, on my team, telling me, you got this, girl.
You got this, queen. You were made for this. Okay? So, you are not buried.
You’re planted. Sometimes it feels like we’re buried underneath a lot of stuff. You know, we’re buried underneath a lot of stuff, but we’re not buried.
We’re planted. We’re planted. And sometimes, you know, it feels like you’re stuck, but you’re not stuck.
You’re planted there for a reason and a season. You know, we need gardens. Let’s just use this analogy.
We plant seeds in the dirt, and what happens when we plant seeds in the dirt? They grow. They grow through the dirt, and they come out to be amazing flowers. You know, food.
I remember growing up, we had a garden in the backyard. We lived in the city. We didn’t live in the country, but my dad grew up in the country, and you know, he always wanted a garden.
So, we had a small garden in our backyard, and I remember, you know, hating to go out and work in the garden and plant the seeds or whatever, but oh boy, when those cucumbers and tomatoes and all that came up, I was so glad to go out there and pick them and eat them. But guess what? We had to wait during the process for the seeds to grow. So, that’s with life, you know.
You gotta wait for the process for whatever you’re doing to grow. These things don’t happen overnight. They don’t happen overnight, you know, and with the seeds, you know, sometimes it’ll rain, and some of the seeds might get washed away, and then we’ll have to go out and replant them, because guess what? It’s a process.
It’s a process. So, you know, it ain’t even like diamonds. You don’t need pressure to make diamonds.
Diamonds is just, you know, black coal, like a black chunk of coal, and then you put them in the pressure, you know, how do they make them, and then they turn out to be diamonds worth millions. Can you imagine? You know, so I said I had to say, you know, just embrace it. Embrace what you’re going through, and just be ready for the next step.
Be ready for the next chapter, you know. Every challenge is shaping you for greater impact. Every setback is shaping you for greater impact, okay? So, the next time you face a setback, lift your chin, adjust your crown, and remind yourself, this is not the end.
This is a setup for my next victory. This is a setup for my next victory. Wow.
Remember that. If today’s episode spoke to you, share with another queen who is going through, who is having a setback, who’s going through a setback, you know. Remind her the setbacks are not the end.
They are the beginning of something greater, okay? And make sure you subscribe to Boss to Boss Female Entrepreneurs Elevation Podcast so you don’t ever miss an episode, okay? And I want you to keep shining, keep building, and keep walking boldly in your purpose, okay? Now, I have some reflection questions I have for you. What is the one recent setback you’ve experienced and how can you reframe it as feedback instead of failure? I’ll say that again. What is one recent setback you’ve experienced and how can you reframe it as feedback instead of failure? That’s question number one.
Question number two, where in your life do you need to give yourself more grace? Whether it’s in business, family, or self-care, where in your life do you need to give yourself more grace? Whether it’s in business, family, or self-care. That means don’t be so hard on yourself. Just, you know, work on it.
Just give it some time and just gracefully handle it. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Question number three, who in your circle lifts you up during tough times and how can you strengthen or expand that support system? I’ll repeat that.
Who in your circle lifts you up during tough times and how can you strengthen or expand that support system? So, those are the three reflection questions that I have for you. So, think about that. Think about those three questions and answer those.
Then also, you know, you can journal. You can journal those answers. That’s even better.
You can journal those answers, you know. And then if you want to, just share those takeaways on social media. I have a social media page.
It’s for boss-to-boss female entrepreneurs and go to that page and join the page. I would love to have you join the page and then share those answers to those questions on social media and just, you know, mention the podcast and just say you got those questions from listening to today’s podcast and put those answers there and just put some encouraging words because we’re all going through it. You know, we’re all going through it.
It’s not an easy road being an entrepreneur, but we’re strong. We’re powerful women. You know, we deserve our crowns.
We deserve our crowns. So, we’re unstoppable. We’re unstoppable and we could turn these setbacks into setups for success.
Okay, I’ll say that again. We are unstoppable. We are turning our setbacks into setups for success.
Okay, I am Dr. Brenda Myers and I want to thank you for listening to Elevation’s podcast with Dr. Brenda. Until next time, bye-bye.
